Reflections to Ponder
As I write this, I am preparing to launch my next repetition of my course: Let Go, Forgive, and Set Yourself Free. As it happened, I listened to Patty Lennons You Tube piece about September predictions. She spoke about her insights about nonattachment and whether the lesson is about letting go or about not being so tightly attached to having the outcomes we think we need.
Watch her insights here:
What Does This Mean For Us?
When we hold on so tightly to what we think should happen or engage in arranging our circumstances so that we get what we want in the ways we think they should happen, we frequently find that this approach backfires on us. This is not to say that things won’t work out for us. In fact, when all is said and done, we often get a more beautiful outcome than we might have had if we had arranged it. Christianity says that we need to pray but the answers are often about what we need, not what we want. If you subscribe to trusting the universe, or some other approach, the answers are even more fulfilling than what we thought we needed. Another way to look at this might be how we handle worrying. When the event actually comes to pass, the outcomes are better than we thought they would be.
I have long been aware that I have a hard time letting go of things. I keep talking and processing after the other people in my life have already moved on; they are surprised that I am still thinking and talking about a problem they thought we resolved already. I have even been told I am a control freak. My inability to let go and trust the process has caused a lot of conflict for me.
In 2019 I had a falling out with a community of friends because I questioned their leadership skills. During that time, a friend said to me, “you don’t have to arrange everything, Darian. What I took from that was that I needed to be a guide or mentor, not a director. I needed to loosen my grip and allow the leadership to learn from their own experiences.
Another example of how I learned this lesson the hard way was my approach to parenting. I followed my parents’ approach which was “Do as I say, not as I do. I wanted my son to do what I said. He was as emotionally dysregulated as I was. He became angry when people didn’t do what he wanted them to do. His anger caused him conflict, and ultimately, he lost his family. He turned to drugs to escape the pain of disappointment and loss. He was unable to let go of the toxic relationships and lean into the happiness that could have been his in a deeper, releasing way. He turned to drugs and ultimately lost his life.
This lesson of letting go was driven home to me in a tragic, irreversible way. Now I had no choice. His death forced me to let go of the most precious relationship-the one with my beloved son.
We could talk about the fact that I wasn’t responsible for his choices. We could talk about the fact that he made his own choice to use. All of that is true as well.
This is not to say that we can’t have needs and desires, or even expectations. The need to control is actually an anxious response to wanting to feel that we and our loved ones are safe and secure.
How Do We Let Go or Detach?
I think the concept of nonattachment is actually letting go of control and expectations and trusting life to take its natural course.
Letting go, or being unattached to expectations and outcomes, is a process. It can mean creating conditions for intentional choice and living with integrity. To do this, we need to model helpful choices and encourage and support our loved ones. It’s about creating the conditions for the universe to bring things to us in its perfect timing, for our highest good. This keeps us in a state of expansion rather than contraction.
How Do We Do This?
Forgive Yourself and Others
If you’re not there yet, and you long to feel safe and free, forgiveness is another part of the process. Forgiveness does not mean overlooking the hurt of letting someone off the hook. It’s about forgiving ourselves for our part in conflict. It’s about making peace with ourselves and others. It’s about leading with love-choosing actions that are based on this question. “If I truly loved myself, what would I do?” Or “If I truly love that person, what would I do?”
Take Intentional Action
Take a different approach to action. This could mean being still and listening to your inner voice. Your inner voice might tell you to be patient, rest, simplify by finishing the projects you have started before taking on something else. It might be listening to our loved ones and not giving unsolicited advice. It might mean offering options and allowing them to choose an option that works for them. It might mean asking open-ended questions to help our loved ones discover the answers that make the most sense to them and trusting them to take the next steps. It might mean asking them if they want our help and asking, “what can I do to be helpful?”
Register For My Upcoming Course
Consider signing up for my course, Let Go, Forgive, and Set Yourself Free!”. This virtual course takes place on Zoom, 5 Thursdays, October 1, 2026, through October 29, 2026, from 6 to 7:30 PM Pacific Time.
The work we will do together in this course embodies the Happy for No Reason model of learning and experiencing happiness. This is not therapy. It is self-help coupled with weekly live interactive support sessions. You do not need to do this alone.
This course also contains written and experiential exercises that you can do at your own pace. Don’t worry. We provide written instructions for this component.
Finally, if you wish, sign up for a follow-up support group where you will share your challenges and wins and set your intentions for daily practice.
Support group sign-ups and instructions for participation will be available by the fourth week of this course. Course details and registration can be found here:
Let Go, Forgive, and Set Yourself Free!
What will you do to create the conditions that support your highest good?